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Coming Out Of The Coffin
Sarah Dorrance

I don't think this is "copping out" or "not being open, etc" and far from it being everyone's knowledge what I do in my own home, my bedroom, or in special groups of my friend.

Mmm. Myself, I see a huge difference between telling people that I'm bisexual, and telling people that I eat pussy. If you catch my drift.

Visibility is important. If the so-called normal people don't see that their friends, neighbors, employers, familty, etc are queer, then they persist in holding stupid stereotypes about queer people, insisting that "they don't know any of those gay types," and persecuting us by refusing to pass laws allowing us to marry, etc. The reason the phrase "silence equals death" came about is because AIDS used to be a gay person's disease; to quietly allow oneself to be persecuted, given substandard medical treatment because you "just didn't count to the straight people" and didn't want to be a bother, etc is fatal to you; and to pretend that only gay people can catch HIV is death to everyone else. It also came from the Holocaust fifty years ago, when silent people allowed other silent people to be put into gas ovens, never suspecting that the Nazis would come for ***them*** next. In solidarity is strength; in silence and meekness is utter weakness.

Looking at the issue of "to come out of the closet or not" from another angle, I refused to allow my mother to think that I had been "cured" just because I have dated more men than women and have finally "settled down" with a man. Fuck that shit. my parents threw me out of the house when i was eighteen, because I chose being disowned over going to Christian family counseling, "deprogramming," and other such humiliations. I don't fucking care how much that hurt them, I can assure you that it hurt me far worse to lose them than it hurt them to throw me out. They were the ones that decided that they couldn't consider me their real daughter if I didn't conform to their image of me - I chose to keep my freedom after they told me how much their love and approval would cost. Freedom is more important to me than love, I guess. The mind can make its own heaven or hell, as the saying goes (I'm misquoting Milton, horribly, but those of you who read _Paradise Lost_ should catch the reference) I choose to be happy in my exile.

My mother is only close to me now because compared to Dad, I seem normal to her. I told her that under no circumstances should she ever delude herself into thinking I'd gone straight. This is "tough love" in action. If she claims to love me, then she will love me AS ME, not as her deluded image of me. If it's an image she loves, it's not the real me, so her love doesn't count.

I insisted that she see me for who I was. She decided that she wanted to keep me after all. Maybe holding out for several years was a good tactic - because she stopped trying to convert me, and now accepts me. That's a major battle won, for sure.

I have been out of the closet about my religious views and my queerness to everyone. Sometimes I've lost my job because of it.

I'm also out of the closet to my friends and acquaintances about being a vampire. The only reason I'm not completely out is that I just don't feel emotionally ready for that. Coming out while one is still insecure is a great way to give people the impression that being strange is ***bad*** because the people can sense your discomfort. When I come out it will be from a position of emotional strength. Also financial security. I'm not daft enough to think that one can be open about one's vampirism on the job and keep one's clientele (or position). Of course, vampirism doesn't really come up in casual conversation as often as sexual orientation - I mention my fiance (and used to mention my girlfriends) far more often than I mention my hunger. Talking about hunger always struck me as a little gauche anyway - it's like saying "I'm so horny."

This article is presented as part of an ongoing effort to present other views outside of, as well as within, the online vampire community. As such, the views and attitudes contained in this article are entirely those of the author(s), and may not necessarily be shared by SphynxCatVP. The webmaster is not under obligation to update or otherwise keep current the contents of this article. Most importantly, only you can decide for yourself whether this article or any of the author(s) other views are useful or applicable to you - use your own reasoning and judgment.

Contact Author(s):
Sarah Dorrance-Minch                    Website.

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