BASIC FOUNDATIONS OF A GOOD DONOR-VAMPIRE RELATIONSHIP
HOW DOES IT IMPACT A PREEXISTING RELATIONSHIP?
Be honest about what you need, want or expect. "Mixed signals" result
in miss. Understand that for some, feeding IS an erotic or intimate thing,
and they may not be able to separate that when feeding from or donating to
The vampire is trusting that the donor is (still) disease free regardless
of how much testing has or hasn't been done and that they'll watch over the
vampire during the feeding process if needed. The donor is trusting the vampire
with a lancet/blade/needle, in a situation where they're likely to be vulnerable.
Friendships and relationships are not the easiest thing to begin, whether
short-term or long-term, without this.
Tolerance (particularly for the weird)
Let's face it, blood drinking isn't exactly a commonly accepted activity...
A donor is not a "possession", or a lesser being to be manipulated.
A vampire should never make a donor feel OBLIGATED to do this - the donor
should always have a choice.
It doesn't *inherently* change it. However, it does add a new perspective...and
the new perspective can, over a short or long period of time, change the relationship
from what it was. Whether this is good or bad depends on the individuals involved.
Understanding and tolerance of what may or may not happen is possible, as
long as all people involved are willing to understand, and serious about making
the effort. This carries over into any type of relationship, not just vampire/donor
The donor is sharing part of themselves, some might say something like a
spiritual essence, and depending on the situation, can have different reactions
to it, such as feeling vulnerable if they feel it is inherently unequal -
the vampire gains something, while the donor loses something, or they can
feel closer to the vampire that they've donated to by passing on some part
- spiritual essence perhaps - of themselves in doing so.
Issues of trust:
The donor is trusting the vampire with a bloodletting instrument, whether
lancet, blade or needle, and most likely in a situation where they are physically
vulnerable, so this trust is particularly important to them. Likewise, the
vampire is trusting that the donor is still disease-free, despite any passage
of time after testing and such - blood-borne diseases are still a concern,
and not all of them are curable. Also, feeding tends to leave the vampire
very relaxed, sometimes somewhat euphoric, and they're not always paying attention
to their surroundings. If this is being done in a public place, the donor
also needs to be a lookout, since the vampire may not be as aware of their
surroundings as they should be.
Issues of intimacy:
Because feeding can be almost a sexual experience (not in the orgasmic sense,
but deeply satisfying and potentially quite intimate nonetheless), some vamps
may only want to feed from someone they are already sexually involved with,
and likewise, some donors may only want to feed vamps that they are already
sexually involved with. Others may be uncomfortable with, or not understand,
the level of intimacy or the interpersonal bond that may develop - but whether
such a bond develops depends on the individuals involved.
Issues of sanity or mental stability:
The vampire needs to be feel that the donor won't develop an unhealthy attachment
to them or become too possessive, and vice-versa. There *may* be some kind
of bond or closeness that develops between the vampire and donor anyway, but
this is dependent upon some factors, such as trust or mental stability, and
other factors that are impossible to easily determine. The donor particularly
needs to be sure the vampire isn't lost in fantasy land with excessive claims
such as physical shapeshifting, flying, etc.
Issues of secrecy:
Both donor AND vampire need to be discrete when talking about or handling
a feeding session (or anything else pertaining to vampires). People still
get fired for no reason other than being a freak, and both parties likely
have mundane things they need to deal with such as work or school. Most people
"Just Don't Understand", no matter how well you can explain it.
Questions for both vampire and donor
Recognize the possibility that a deeper bond (friendship or otherwise) may
develop as a result of the donor/vampire relationship. It is ALWAYS a good
idea to talk about what each person's expectations are so that nothing comes
as a surprise. Stating the "terms" of the relationship beforehand
does not guarantee that nobody will be emotionally hurt, but being prepared
always helps. Some individuals cannot help but get attached, and others remain
detached. Others still maintain a middle ground. Whatever the case, always
keep the lines of communication open to avoid painful misunderstandings.
1) Should the donor be prepared to feed the vampire during the first meeting?
2) Any amount of physical contact before/during/after feeding?
3) Any sexual aspects to worry about (intimacy issues)? Any kink/fetish
issues that need to be brought up or dealt with?
4) Married, but with vampire or donor outside the marriage or other committed
4a) How will the marriage affect the feeding session or other aspects
of the vampire/donor relationship?
4b) How will the vampire/donor relationship impact either party's marriage?
Questions for the donor to ask the vampire
A donor's ability to exercise good judgment and common sense is essential
when considering whether or not to donate. New donors should familiarize themselves
with how to spot a blood drinker (or energy feeder) who could potentially
cause them emotional or physical harm. When thinking about whether or not
to donate, a donor's ability to exercise good judgment and common sense is
essential when considering whether or not to donate. New donors should familiarize
themselves with how to spot a blood drinker (or energy feeder) who could potentially
cause them emotional or physical harm.
1) What are the health risks?
2) What method(s) will be used?
3) Hygiene/cleanliness methods to prevent/minimize disease and health
4) If using a needle, has the user had phlebotomy training?
5) How much pain and/or scarring can be expected? (Pain amounts will vary
with method used)
6) what effects does feeding have on the vampire ? (Useful to know if
the vampire will curl up into a contented ball, go to sleep, or something
more drastic or dramatic...)
8) Are there other viable options if feeding isn't an option at any particular
point (ill health on the part of the donor, bad offline life timing, etc.)
9) How often does the vampire need to feed?
9a) How often is the donor expected to feed the vampire ?
9b) Will the vampire accept "no" if the donor changes his/her
mind, is sick, or if the donor is afraid the vampire will lose control?
10) (If asked by the vampire to be a donor) How/why was the donor picked?
Questions the vampire should ask the donor
There are stereotypes a lot of people have in mind when they think about
vampires, thanks to Hollywood and popular fiction. As a result, vampirism
is often surrounded with fantasy and legends, giving people an unrealistic
idea of what it really means. Sometimes a donor is expecting something as
seen in the latest popular movie (often dealing with fangs and immortality)
when the reality is quite different. In any case, the vampire needs to determine
that the donor is mentally stable
1) Why do you want to do this? (especially if they volunteer without being
2) What do you expect to experience?
3) Why do you want to experience it?
4) What do you hope to get out of it?
5) Do you already know what will happen during the process? (If not, take
time to explain)
6) Any vices or bad habits? (drinking, smoking, drugs, etc...these can
have drug interactions, allergic reactions, or adverse side effects.)
7) Will the donor stay for a little while after the feeding, or leave
8) What sort of diet does the donor have, and are they willing to change
it if requested by the vampire? (certain foods, particularly junk foods,
make the blood taste awful.)
9) Has s/he donated to other vampires before? (Good to know how much info
they already have.)
Questions the donor should ask other donors
How many potential donors simply decided not to be a donor for a vampire
because they could not find enough information that would give them a balanced
viewpoint? To be a donor requires a mindset open to the idea of real vampires,
without being excessively judgmental about it. Some donors do it because they
care for (or love, in some cases) the individual and want to help out. Usually
the donor has known the vampire for a reasonable period of time, or sometimes
for many years. Some do it for fun, or some variety of erotic pleasure. Others
may be masochists or otherwise might enjoy (or at least not mind) the pain
or potential scarring. (I don't personally understand that, but I know some
people are just wired that way...)
1) How did you start?
2) Why did you do it?
3) Why do you keep doing it?
4) What is the worst experience you've had?
5) What is the best experience you've had?
6) What is the scariest experience you've had?
7) What is the funniest experience you've had?
8) (Provided the donor is not a vampire) Have you experienced a feeling
like you need to feed after being fed upon? (a/k/a "sympathetic vampirism")
- If the donor IS a vampire as well, then this question does not apply.
8a) How were you able to deal with it?
8b) How often did/does it happen?
9) If you've been a donor for a particular vampire for a long time, how
has your relationship with him/her changed over the years?
These questions are just guidelines. When all is said and done, it's a matter
of trust and respect on both sides. Being a donor is not something to be taken
lightly - the vampire is trusting the donor with their secret in exchange
for a part of them. Likewise, the donor is trusting the vampire to treat them
well in an otherwise vulnerable situation. Know each others limits, but don't
go beyond them. Respect each other and what you are considering doing. Respect
what is being offered, and it's implications - feeding is more than "just"
an act, and donating to a vampire is more than "just" an experience.
This article is presented as part of an ongoing
effort to present other views outside of, as well as within, the online
vampire community. As such, the views and attitudes contained in this
article are entirely those of the author(s), and may not necessarily
be shared by SphynxCatVP. The webmaster is not under obligation to update
or otherwise keep current the contents of this article. Most
importantly, only you can decide for yourself whether this article or
any of the author(s) other views are useful or applicable to you - use
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