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Do you absolutely have to follow these rules, to be a “vampire in good
standing?” No. (In good standing with what?) Do I think they’re sensible?
Yes. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered to type them up.
1. If you are involved with blood or other bodily fluids, practice strict safety
precautions. I suppose this isn’t all that important if you’re not
worried about your health, or the health of anybody who comes into intimate
contact with you – good luck getting laid or finding a donor, by the way,
unless you want to find another Darwin Award contender. There’s an essay
elsewhere on the site about blood safety and safer feeding precautions. Read
it.
2. Be honest with yourself and others. Don’t play games. You get out of
your relationships what you put into them. Pretending to be something you are
not, pretending that there is more (or less) to a relationship than there is,
being passive-aggressive about your needs, etc. are all great ways to sabotage
a relationship. This holds true for vampires and non-vampires alike. Know yourself,
know your limits, know what you want, and make these things clear from day one.
Know that some of these things can change over time due to the natural process
of growing older.
3. “No” means “no.” Respect other people and their limits.
Don’t impose yourself on anyone. If somebody does not ant you to do something,
don’t push. There are reasons that we have laws regarding sexual harassment,
sexual imposition, and rape. While blood drinking and energy feeding does not
have to have sexual overtones, it’s still intimate contact, so the same
social rules apply. And yes, this is true for donors, not just for vampires.
There aren’t many pushy, aggressive donors out there – but if you’re
reading this and you spot some of your negative behavioral patterns in this
description, shame on you. Play nice. Sheesh.
4. Use common sense. You owe it to yourself. Don’t put some idealized
idea of what vampires or the vampire community are “supposed to be like”
above the way things really are. Don’t fall hook, line, and sinker for
every myth, no matter how attractive some of them are. Research organizations
before you get involved with them. Don’t go out and buy books, fangs, paraphernalia,
etc. if you are on a budget and don’t absolutely need them – you can
have community without such geegaws, and you can get information from the Internet
or the library. You’re a normal human being like everybody else. You have
a life (or so one would hope). That ought to come first.
5. Watch out for Internet predators. We spend a lot of time on the web; it’s
often easier to socialize among our own kind here than in RL. If you answer
a personals ad, be sure to meet in a public place, and consider using a “safety
call.” The same holds true if you place a personal and somebody answers
it, or if you meet somebody in a chatroom or in a web forum and start corresponding
privately. Don’t give out your address, phone number, or other personal
details via e-mail or online profiles unless you absolutely know who you are
giving that information to.
6. Don’t come out of the closet unless you are comfortable doing so. People
pick up on confidence (or lack thereof). They will judge you based on what they
perceive in your behavior. If you act defensive, either cagey and guilty and
evasive or obnoxious and “in your face,” it will leave people with
a bad impression. They will think that you are acting this way because there
is something wrong with you, and they will attribute it to whatever quirk you
are acting defensive about – especially if they don’t know too many
other people who have this quirk. Vampirism, in this regard, is no different
from queerness. On the other hand, self confidence goes very far. A self confident
person who accepts himself or herself completely and who acts as though s/he
has nothing to hide can do some really great public relations. It’s been
proven that when people get a chance to see that the ordinary guy next door,
the bus driver, Aunt Myrtle, etc. are queer, they question the negative stereotypes
they learned long ago, and they are more sympathetic to the notion that queer
people are just like everybody else and deserve equal rights. The same principle
can, and should, be applied to vampirism.
7. “Mundanes” are people too. (The term “mundane,” by the
way, was originally used within the Society for Creative Anachronism to describe
a person who wasn’t into medieval reenactment. It wasn’t meant to
be pejorative.“Mundania” referred to the real world, and the “Knowne
World” referred to life within the SCA.) Don’t belittle people who
aren’t involved in the vampire subculture, or who aren’t vampires,
or who aren’t psychic, or who don’t have six fingers on their left
hand, or whatever. Don’t act rude to them because they’re “less
than you” or “outsiders.” How do you like it when people act
that way to you? Hmm?
8. Donors and vampires are equal partners. Without donors, guess what? Vampires
don’t feed. At least not consensually – and this is supposed to be
a “safe, sane, and consensual” scene. Seeing other people as “prey”
only invites other people to treat you as a would-be predator. What do you think
prisons are for?
9. You don’t need an elder, a group, or a “sire” unless you
absolutely want one. Not all people are into that. It’s nice that there
are plenty of groups for people who are, but there are alternatives. Also, the
sort of people who claim to be “elders” and who seem to be celebrities
within the vampire scene are usually the sort of insecure, lifeless types who
least deserve the title. A mature person has a life outside of the vampire scene
and does not need to engage in power plays. A wise person can impart wisdom
and let that wisdom speak for itself, without having to back it up with fancy
titles or group affiliations. (For instance, if this piece of advice seems wise
to you, you’ll take it; if not, you’ll ignore it. There, that was
easy enough, wasn’t it?)
10. Do your research. The more informed you are, the less likely it is that
you will find yourself in a bad spot.
11. Sometimes, the Golden Rule is really underrated. Try to be fair in your
dealings. Whether there is an agent of karma, a “threefold law,” or
any other divine set of checks and balances is up for debate. At any rate, it’s
a matter of faith, not knowledge. On a practical level, we humans are the only
authority we have. We police ourselves. We make our own rules. We have an obligation
to be decent to each other – because we have to create our own justice.
Without our self-imposed decency, we have nothing. Absolute freedom demands
absolute responsibility. If you have a right to act freely, so does everybody
else. Think about it. It’s easier for all concerned if you have some sense
of maturity and restraint. Ethics aren’t the natural law – but they’re
a damned good idea.
~Sarah Dorrance (July 21, 2001)
This article is presented as part of an ongoing effort to present other views outside of, as well as within, the online vampire community. Those of us who consider ourselves vampiric don't always look at things from the same viewpoint due to our life experiences. As such, the views and opinions contained in this article are entirely those of the author(s), and may not necessarily be shared by SphynxCatVP. The webmaster is not under obligation to update or otherwise keep current the contents of this article. Most importantly, only you can decide for yourself whether this article or any of the author(s) other views are useful or applicable to you - you are responsible for using your own reasoning and judgement, so judge wisely.
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