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I am going to tell you about why I became a donor. These are my feelings
- right, wrong or indifferent. I just hope something about how I feel
will help you.
I first became interested in all things vampire when I was 13. I NEVER
felt like I was a vampire, but I couldn't understand why I felt drawn
to them. I even wrote a paper about vampires in college and made an A
on it. Being the good Southern Baptist that I am, I put it down to being
young and immature.
Two husbands and two children later, with everyone gone, I find myself
drawn to vampire community again. I had stuff the feelings down by distracting
myself with being a wife and a mother. Again, I felt it was the need for
attention. I tried all kinds of activities but I still felt as if something
was missing. I never felt like I have ever fitted in anywhere until recently.
I did my research on-line (which was not available when I was 13). I
read anything I could get my hands on, placed my ad and waited to see
what would happen. I was contacted by a vampire, who was a Sang. We went
through the procedures to set up the donation.
It was something I had never felt before. It was like a feeling of peace
came over me. It is something I cannot describe. I had never had anything
feel as good as that (except seeing my children after they where born).
Can we get attached to the vampire? Yes. Every human beings need some
kind of contact with others. We run the risk of being attached to anyone
we meet (friends, family, that cute person we see at the store). I think
more so with being a donor. We are giving of our life force and it is
something special. A kind of contact beyond hugging, touching, kissing,
even sex.
Donors have to remember that a lot of vamps see us just as food. Speaking
for myself, I would like to be taken as a friend also. If you do become
attached (and a lot of us do), remember you have to deal with it.
I do not think there is a universal answer about why a person wants to
be a donor, just as I do not think there is a universal answer why one
is a vampire.
Being a donor meets a need that needs to be filled. I feel as if I am
suppose to help. I'm sure that there are as many reasons people are donors
as there are donors. I no longer feel that it is due to being young and
immature. I would like to think, seeing that I am a nurse, a Baptist and
a mom, that I could find an easier way to get attention. I have to hide
my being a donor, because I would lose my job at the very least. There
are easier things to be.
Right or wrong, I feel I am here to be a donor. In this me, me, me first
world I know my reasons are hard to understand. Especially for a lot of
vampires. Some think WHY in the world does she want to donate? It has
to be she needs someone to latch on to. You know, there are still a few
of us in this world who want to help just because we WANT to help.
Maybe some donors are born like vamps are. I was not around other vampires
growing up, and wwas not into the "Goth" thing. I just know
I am a donor and I have finally made peace with it.
I hope this helped some how. As I said before this is from my heart.
~Giselle, 2010
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