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I don't think this is "copping out" or "not being open, etc"
and far from it being everyone's knowledge what I do in my own home, my bedroom,
or in special groups of my friend.
Mmm. Myself, I see a huge difference between telling people that I'm bisexual,
and telling people that I eat pussy. If you catch my drift.
Visibility is important. If the so-called normal people don't see that their
friends, neighbors, employers, familty, etc are queer, then they persist in
holding stupid stereotypes about queer people, insisting that "they don't
know any of those gay types," and persecuting us by refusing to pass laws
allowing us to marry, etc. The reason the phrase "silence equals death"
came about is because AIDS used to be a gay person's disease; to quietly allow
oneself to be persecuted, given substandard medical treatment because you "just
didn't count to the straight people" and didn't want to be a bother, etc
is fatal to you; and to pretend that only gay people can catch HIV is death
to everyone else. It also came from the Holocaust fifty years ago, when silent
people allowed other silent people to be put into gas ovens, never suspecting
that the Nazis would come for ***them*** next. In solidarity is strength; in
silence and meekness is utter weakness.
Looking at the issue of "to come out of the closet or not" from another
angle, I refused to allow my mother to think that I had been "cured"
just because I have dated more men than women and have finally "settled
down" with a man. Fuck that shit. my parents threw me out of the house
when i was eighteen, because I chose being disowned over going to Christian
family counseling, "deprogramming," and other such humiliations. I
don't fucking care how much that hurt them, I can assure you that it hurt me
far worse to lose them than it hurt them to throw me out. They were the ones
that decided that they couldn't consider me their real daughter if I didn't
conform to their image of me - I chose to keep my freedom after they told me
how much their love and approval would cost. Freedom is more important to me
than love, I guess. The mind can make its own heaven or hell, as the saying
goes (I'm misquoting Milton, horribly, but those of you who read _Paradise Lost_
should catch the reference) I choose to be happy in my exile.
My mother is only close to me now because compared to Dad, I seem normal to
her. I told her that under no circumstances should she ever delude herself into
thinking I'd gone straight. This is "tough love" in action. If she
claims to love me, then she will love me AS ME, not as her deluded image of
me. If it's an image she loves, it's not the real me, so her love doesn't count.
I insisted that she see me for who I was. She decided that she wanted to keep
me after all. Maybe holding out for several years was a good tactic - because
she stopped trying to convert me, and now accepts me. That's a major battle
won, for sure.
I have been out of the closet about my religious views and my queerness to
everyone. Sometimes I've lost my job because of it.
I'm also out of the closet to my friends and acquaintances about being a vampire.
The only reason I'm not completely out is that I just don't feel emotionally
ready for that. Coming out while one is still insecure is a great way to give
people the impression that being strange is ***bad*** because the people can
sense your discomfort. When I come out it will be from a position of emotional
strength. Also financial security. I'm not daft enough to think that one can
be open about one's vampirism on the job and keep one's clientele (or position).
Of course, vampirism doesn't really come up in casual conversation as often
as sexual orientation - I mention my fiance (and used to mention my girlfriends)
far more often than I mention my hunger. Talking about hunger always struck
me as a little gauche anyway - it's like saying "I'm so horny."
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