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Copied from Ithril's post on the Drink Deeply &
Dream forums, with permission
Well, lets see.. another day; how many 'new vampires' have found the
board? How many have gone?
Please forgive my cynicism. Indeed I hope that some of the new members
are as deeply serious about this as I am. But I have a jaded doubt.
So you say you're a vampire. Fine. Fantastic in fact; for now. Will you
feel this way next month; a year from now; a decade? Will you even feel
the same way about it tomorrow? Do you want to know how many people I
have seen enter just this channel wanting to be accepted as vampire, who
suddenly decide it's an uncomfortable skin to wear. It's alright though.
I understand that it's something they think fits, and they wear it for
a while like a new fur coat, until it becomes a bit too familiar, and
then they shed it for something shinier and newer. The vampire fad goes
in and out like the tide. I think this is the tenth time I've seen it
grow popular now since I started watching it.
No. I really want to know, and I would really be glad to find that you
are positive about this label you have applied to yourself so casually.
Because, you see, I'm now reaching the halfway point of my life, assuming
I live up to the rule of averages, and for nearly three quarters of that
time, I have identified myself with this... fantasy?
No. I can most easily assure you that it is anything but a fantasy. I
would be glad if it was, it would make my life much more simple. Because
a fantasy is a vision, an infatuation even of some hoped for dream that
might make this life a bit more tolerable, easier to bear, and a distraction
from it's worries and troubles. This, however, gives no escape from those
difficulties, but rather intimates an entire new level of complexity on
top of them all. But again for those of you who think this might be what
fits your life, I welcome you with a glad hope that we do indeed share
that spark of uniqueness that we recognize as being vampire. I am looking
for those people to whom this is real and natural. It is not my place
to judge you on how genuine your convictions about what you are happen
to be. Time will take that chore soon enough.
Still I can't deny it. I can't deny it now any more than I could the
day (or night actually) I found myself staring at the meat case in the
grocery where I was supposed to be polishing the floor. Staring at the
red morsels of flesh that I thought would have a fantastic potential for
sating the thirst that never seemed to slack. The thirst I first knew
nearly ten years before, and would try to calm by opening wounds I received
doing what young boys do. But it was pointless to try. I didn't understand
then, and I didn't have the internet; I didn't have a fantastic informational
resource like this one. I was alone in this, and I knew it. All I had
was a library, and a librarian who perused the list of titles I borrowed,
and pondered what neglectful and irresponsible parents I must have; that
their son should be interested in such bizarre subjects. That was just
trouble. that's all that was. Trouble.
But here I am now. Reaching an age most of you would identify as old;
an age that would make me (according to a recent poll) easily old enough
to be a father to well over 30% of you. which also means that I have known
I am a vampire for longer than nearly 84% of you have even walked this
earth. And for that 25 years that I have known it for certain, I have
not grown tired of it; not to the point of shedding it because it bores
me, no. I cannot shed my identity as a vampire anymore than you can shed
your identity as a redhead, or a blond, brunette, or what have you. Except
of course that in the matter of time you may be able to. Your hair, as
mine will become gray, or thin and eventually fall out. My thirst for
blood will remain strong, and I will continue to seek a reliable and safe
source from which to gain it.
I am comfortable in this vampire skin. I have been so now for decades.
Are you?
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