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I've been thinking very carefully about how I need to approach this issue with
my HPS [High Priestess]. There's a right way and a wrong way to introduce
a vampire-unfriendly person to the concept that someone they care about is mostly-undeniably
a psi-vampire, and that it's not exactly a fixable condition. I'm having flashbacks
to my highschool days when I started off a "coming out of the broom closet"
conversation with "Dad, I'm a witch." Which, as you might guess, came
out rather badly.
So, in an effort to avoid repeating that particular scene, I'm not going to
go up to my HPS and say "Lady, I'm a vampire." There are better ways
to approach it.
With that in mind, I embarked on a little experiment over the holiday break
- I consciously chose not to feed at all. Not directly, not ambiently, nothing.
Zip, zero, zilch. This actually has two positive outcomes:
1) I get to see if I *can* go without feeding, and what effects that has on
me - In short, it helps answer the "am I really a vampire?" question.
If the answer is "yes", I proceed to benefit 2.
2) I can honestly approach my HPS with my concerns over the effects caused
by not feeding, without having to lie, fabricate information, or use the word
"if" followed by secondhand research. I made a good-faith effort,
and the results were unhealthy.
So, coming to the end of this experiment, I figured I'd go ahead and share
some of the raw data associated with intentional self-starvation. Enjoy!
***
A) My sleep cycle is screwed all to hell and back.
i) I sleep between 12-14 hours a day if I can get away with it, but sleep
evades me entirely between the hours of midnight and 4 am no matter when I
officially "went to bed".
ii) Almost insurmountable waves of fatigue, to the point that my eyes won't
stay open, occur between 2 and 3 pm (regardless of how recently I've eaten)
and between 9 and 11:30 pm. If I make it past 11: 30pm, I won't actually go
to bed until nearly dawn, and if I don't make it past 11:30, I wake up around
midnight anyway.
iii) During sleep at any time, I experience strange dreams. "Strange"
being defined as chaotic and senseless above and beyond my expected dream
experiences (based on 20-odd years of having dreams). Being chased around
the forest part of a bio-dome by an angry red panda, for example (yes, I actually
had that dream). The effect the dreams have on me upon waking seem to be almost
entirely unrelated to the content of the dreams. Also, in spite of their strange
and often disturbing nature, I am loathe to wake up from them. I always want
to continue the dream, even if returning to sleep is impossible.
B) I'm constantly cold. This might be skewed, as I'm several degrees of latitude
further north than I am usually, but *inside* temperatures are equivalent. I'm
shivering right now, dressed for winter, and it can't be colder than 70 degrees
(f) in here.
i) While it should be noted that my hands are almost chronically cold under
all circumstances, they actually seem to be the warmest part of my body (relatively
speaking) now.
C) I'm jittery (more so than usual) and talkative (more so than usual), but
my mental processes seem to be slowed significantly.
D) I'm almost constantly hungry. Now, as a growing young man, being constantly
hungry isn't really proof of anything. But a good portion of this hunger hasn't
been a wholesome sort of "my tummy is rumbling, off to find cookies"
hunger. The hunger seems to come from my sternum rather than my stomach, and
while it comes and goes, no amount of food will speed its passing. That hasn't
prevented me from trying, however. I was down to 260lbs before I got here, now
I'm pushing 270.
E) Generalized lethargy. While twitchiness and talkativeness would seem to
indicate a more active state, my drive to actually DO anything has been chucked
out the window completely. I came here with plans to work on school stuff, practice
for my upcoming fencing tournament in January (that I no longer feel the desire
to go to), install new car stereo speakers, and catch up on my reading. None
of that has been accomplished. Even bored stiff of everything the Internet and
the television has to offer, I still seem to prefer sitting in front of a blank
screen to actually doing anything that requires more effort.
F) On an energetic level, my chakras have dimmed only slightly, and the spin
is still constant, if slightly slow... with the exception of the danten (sternum)
chakra. It's become downright transparent, and spins only sluggishly. The heart
chakra has assumed a significantly paler hue than normal as well (from forest
green to lime green).
G) My cat has been avoiding me. I don't know what that means, but it's data,
so I'm putting it here.
H) Attempts to draw in elemental energy have done about as much good as attempts
to piss into a volcano.
I have observed several other symptoms, but those not listed here are symptoms
whose cause is ambiguous. It could be not feeding, or it could be something
else, or it could be that the something else which causes the problem is a result
of not feeding... but too many variables come between my experiences and the
recording of those experiences. I've only listed the things for which I can
ascertain no other cause, which began concurrently with my decision not to feed,
and which are inconsistent with symptoms previously experienced that were caused
by other factors.
~Dim
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article are entirely those of the author(s), and may not necessarily
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