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Last night in my life, was perhaps on of the most uncomfortable, and enlightening
instances in some time. Having sporadically kept in touch with a sanguinarian
IRC channel, I chanced upon a conversation going on that will forever scar my
mind. It seems the Internet, just like in life has no low abundance of arrogant
minded ignoramuses but complaining of that is a point in futility.
No it wasn’t that the conversation had true quality or meaning to I or
the others who’s patience was being tested, but it was the words that it
triggered in me, what some might say a humble respect for those that are different.
Never in my life had I felt such a rage at the mention of blood, and the countless
barrage of imaginary descriptions this individual would describe. The word “blood”
had a special meaning that night, and I believe it will for the majority of
my life now. My slow and then sudden awakening began like this and it was an
experience I don’t wish upon anyone who claims to be envious of vampirism.
Rage, fear, sadness, depression, outrage, awareness, lethargy, adrenaline,
and a conundrum of other words are what come to mind when my mind tries to rationalize
the need for blood. The simple truth in MY mind, in MY state is that I cannot
explain it… it is something so damnable I don’t know how I lived my
life romanticizing such notions in my state of ignorance.
In my first state of utter despair a friendly stranger reached out to me offering
words of support through this intense fit I could not control. As I sat there
typing to her crying why I couldn’t find any blood, for the first time
in the longest time I can remember it felt as if someone finally truly understood
the pain and anguish I was going through. I will forever be in debt for what
she represented to me at that time, with or without her approval.
How long I romanticized the notion “if I were only a vampire”, and
how twisted and cruel fate was to grant me that wish. It made me angry that
someone would so stupidly and shamelessly describe something that suddenly felt
sacred to me, I felt if I ever met this individual I would kill them for having
mentioned in their stupidity, what means the world to an unfortunate group.
I was a beast in that state, a state where it was exciting and at the same
time so despairing to know that I had now become capable and reliant upon that
which which was distasteful to my rationality. Blood thirst is a cruel curse
to those that have it, yet perhaps it’s a unique gift that is there for
them to learn from - all I can say is this… the thirst for blood is a strong
one, and when it hits, it swarms the very essence of the body, soul, and mind,
making a normal individual into a hapless, desperate animal that has no one
to turn to.
This article is presented as part of an ongoing
effort to present other views outside of, as well as within, the online
vampire community. As such, the views and attitudes contained in this
article are entirely those of the author(s), and may not necessarily
be shared by SphynxCatVP. The webmaster is not under obligation to update
or otherwise keep current the contents of this article. Most
importantly, only you can decide for yourself whether this article or
any of the author(s) other views are useful or applicable to you - use
your own reasoning and judgment.
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